We define `third derivative' General Relativity, by promoting the integration measure in Einstein-Hilbert action to be an arbitrary $4$-form field strength. We project out its local fluctuations by coupling it to another $4$-form field strength. This ensures that the gravitational sector contains only the usual massless helicity-2 propagating modes. Adding the charges to these $4$-forms allows for discrete variations of the coupling parameters of conventional General Relativity: $G_N, \Lambda, H_0$, and even $\langle {\tt Higgs }\rangle$ are all variables which can change by jumps. Hence de Sitter is unstable to membrane nucleation. Using this instability we explain how the cosmological constant problem can be solved.